Parashat Yitro - the difference between "we" and "me"

Words of Torah
Parashat Yitro
Exodus 18:1-20:23

"Honor thy father and thy mother..."

~~Exodus 20:11

This week I'm going to touch on what I believe is the true beauty and nature of the Torah... that we can read the exact same text every year, keeping the same inflections and cadence (at least in the Hebrew, through the trope) and yet, every year the same text can have something new and beautiful to teach us. 

I can only imagine how many times I have read the above verse.  I vaguely remember the first time I was formally taught about honoring my parents. I was in religious school, probably about 6 or 7, when the teacher went over the 10 Commandments and focussed on this one in particular.  This commandment, unlike the others, was very tangible and real.  It was a commandment that seemed logical, even to such young children as we were, and one that seemed easy for us to "own."

Now fast forward decades later, and probably thousands of readings later, and I just noticed what seems like an extraneous "thy" or in modern English "your." 

"Honor your father and your mother." Would this commandment not be identical if it read, "Honor your father and mother"? Why the extra "your"?

After doing some research, apparently some scholars have suggested that this might actually be the representation of an additional family member to be honored...someone like maybe an older sibling.  But as those of you who have read my postings before, you know that I am not one for adopting convenient explanations that seem to bring in new subjects and topics when there is plenty to read and understand from the existing text itself.

For me, this extraneous "your" seems to be adding an extra influence on the separation between the natural combination of "father and mother."  Together they are one unit, one pair, one team of parents acting together to be treated as one.  BUT, separate the two, as in adding an extra "your," and now they are not one pair but two individual beings, each equally deserving of their child's honor, irregardless and irrelevant of the other.

Children of divorced parents may find this explanation easier to understand or accept than those of happily married parents.  However, even those children with parents who epitomize the united and loving parental team, can (and now I would say "should") appreciate the separation of the father and mother in this commandment.

No matter how loving of one another parents are, each parent needs to have a unique and original relationship with their child.  I am amazed that I never realized this nuance before, but be guaranteed that I will never be able to think of it differently again.

To honor one's father and mother means to develop a unique relationship with each one separately.  Just as Hillel redefined the "Golden Rule" by looking at the negative space in one's actions, so too must we look at our unique relationships with our parents and how what might work for one might not for the other, and vice versa.

Shabbat shalom... and happy honoring!