Parents playing favorites...never a good idea!

“[Jacob] loved Joseph more than any of his sons.” Genesis 37:3

It is impossible to be a parent and not be uncomfortable with the above verse that expresses the unashamed flaw that one of our patriarchs played favorites with his children. However, to truly understand this obvious parenting anomaly we need to go back a generation or two to see from where its origins began.

Abraham loved Sarah so obviously more than her handmaiden Hagar, that he transferred much of that favored love onto Isaac…ultimately sending Hagar and Ishmael away into the desert.  Then there was Isaac, a generation later, who demonstrated a special connection with Esau over Jacob.

So the fact that Jacob had a “favorite” should not only be his poor judgment to suffer for alone, especially since this was an accepted behavior of his ancestors…his primary role models.  Like his grandfather, and many other biblical heroes, Jacob’s love for one out shone the love of the whole.  The sages make many excuses, and even try to rationalize these great patriarchs’ behaviors.  But the truth of the matter is that they were human, they made mistakes, and they were not perfect.  It is these frailties that help us to identify with them so many centuries later. 

If our ancestors were perfect, how could we strive to live up to that perfection?  This is the question I challenge you to consider his weekend.  Our children will learn from us.  They will learn many of our positive behaviors, they will even listen to many of the suggestions and recommendations we offer; but what we often do not think about, is what negative behaviors will they learn from us?

What are the characteristics, which we know to be our weaknesses?  What are the things we only wish our children wouldn’t do like we do?

For me, this week’s Torah portion is a wake up call to remind us that we need to address our flaws before we begin to see them in our children and grandchildren.  Jacob was a tremendous leader.  He was recognized for many wonderful things.  But the trait, the flaw, the error that he was never able to get away from was his favoritism of one child over the others.  This ended up being the characteristic that we most remember about him.

What will be the identifying behavior that our descendants remember of us?

May you have a wonderful beginning to the Hanukkah holiday, and may you always be blessed to remember that the sum of the whole is greater than that of the individual parts.  God taught us well through this holiday, that one child’s love should never be greater than the love for the whole family.

Chag orim same’ach (Happy festival of lights)!