Dipping the finger in the wine during the retelling of the 10 plagues in Egypt.
It was about 20 years ago when I was first confronted with what I perceived to be the “disconnect” during the Passover Seder. For me the moment of greatest challenge was between celebrating the retelling of our People’s master story (from slavery in Egypt to freedom in our promised land) against the perceived “reveling” in the pain and suffering of those who caused our ancestors unspeakable acts of hatred and anti-Semitism.
In Traditional Haggadot it is still customary to read the passage "Pour out Thy wrath upon the nations that know Thee not, and upon the kingdoms that call not upon Thy name. Pour out Thine indignation upon them, and let the fierceness of Thine anger overtake them. Thou wilt pursue them in anger, and destroy them from under the heavens of Hashem."
The paragraph itself is actually a compilation of three Biblical verses (Psalm 79:6-7, Psalm 69:25 and Lamentations 3:66) which were assembled and added to the Haggadah during the Middle Ages. The history behind these Haggadic additions is that the above passage was a conscious response by the Jewish community to the mass Jewish executions during the Crusades, and to the persecution of Jews throughout the ages. These verses acted as the community’s collective voice condemning those evil actions and calling upon G-d to stand up and hold our persecutors accountable.
Today, however, especially living in the United States where many of us are insulated from the hatred and anti-Semitic acts that plague many of our brethren in nations across the globe, the notion of vengeance and hatred toward our non-Jewish neighbors is profoundly rejected.
As Jewish parents wanting to raise our children with universal values of respect, forgiveness, integrity, and coexistence, we need to ask ourselves, how do we teach our children to be satisfied when justice is served while at the same time ensuring that this satisfaction does not become joy and happiness at the suffering of another?
Passover is the perfect time to introduce these ideas. The Passover Seder is a time of reflection, storytelling, and discussion, where simple acts can teach lessons for a lifetime.
For instance, when it comes time to traditionally dip your finger in the cup of wine during the reading of the 10 plagues, suggest to your guests (or if you are a guest, suggest to your host and friends) that at the conclusion of the last plague do NOT suck/lick the wine off of their wet finger; rather, suggest that they wipe it dry with a napkin.
The explanation for this strange avoidance (why not suck the wine off of the finger???) is that the wine that one has just used to enact this part of the Seder, has been incorporated specifically to visually demonstrate the plagues destruction over the Egyptians. The reason for holding back one’s instinctual urge to lick the wine off of the finger is exactly the urge which we often have in finding joy in our enemies’ demise.
When we suffer, we want our enemies to suffer. When we no longer suffer, we should look beyond the vengeance, as instinctive as it may be, and look for the path of restraint and take the proverbial “higher” road.
However, in reality, there will still be multiple guests sitting around the table who forget your instructions and proceed to suck the remaining wine off of their finger. At this point the stage has been set for a wonderful teachable moment. Ask the group why it is so difficult to withhold our instinctive desires? Is it possible that they have already forgotten the instructions of only a few minutes earlier? Maybe; but the real opportunity is in the ensuing discussion.
I wish you all a happy, healthy, and zissen Pesach!
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