Parashat Ki Tisa - on the "Toxic Environment"

Parashat Ki Tisa

Exodus 30:11-34:35

There is nothing intrinsically bad in God's world:

every evil is a perverted good, every psychosis a healthy instinct gone awry.

~~ Based on the talks and writings of the Lubavitcher Rebbe

In this week’s parashah we read about when Moses doesn’t return as expected from the top of Mount Sinai, and the people left below consequently make a Golden Calf to worship. In response to this event, God proposes to destroy this sinful nation; however, Moses intercedes on the people’s behalf. Moses then descends from the mountain carrying the Tablets engraved with the Ten Commandments; and seeing the people dancing about their idol, he breaks the Tablets, melts down the Golden Calf and has the primary culprits put to death. Moses then returns to God to receive a second set of the Tablets.

Applying the lessons learned from this week’s text, the Lubavitcher Rebbe taught that the Israelites who participated in the Golden Calf incident where not evil, but simply people who were misguided and sought leadership and counsel from the wrong sources.

As parents we are very aware of the power of peer pressure, and how our children’s friends can influence our own child simply because of the way this friend was raised in his or her home.  On the one hand I am always proud of how our school, even with the occasional challenge that goes along with children growing up together and developing social skills, handles peer interactions; and yet on the other hand, as an educator reading the monthly journals, articles, and research materials, I am appalled, and quite frankly often gravely concerned, at what is going on in other schools.

“TOXIC ENVIRONMENT” has been a common phrase applied by researchers in response to the pressures and events going on in the public school world.   James Garbarino, Ph.D, Co-Director, Family Life Development Center and Professor, Human Development, Cornell University, wrote as early as 1998 “The concept of social toxicity explains a great deal of what troubles us about children growing up in … the 21st Century. At stake is the essence of childhood as a protected time and place in the human life cycle.”  Just when exactly did we decide that we wanted our 8, 10, or even 12 year-old children to be adults?  When did we decide that being a child was a waste of time and that we wanted to parent young adults?

As I read the Rebbe’s commentary on this week’s parashah, I feel so fortunate to be among parents who recognize their stake in their child’s development.  Along these lines, the questions for this week’s Shabbat table may need to wait until your child goes to sleep, but at some point you will need to address them … On what values do you want your child to build his or her identity? Who are the peers and role models that you want your child to have for 8 hours a day, 180 days a year?  And, would you rather your child have the experience of being a big fish in a small pond or a small fish in a vast ocean?

Shabbat shalom!