Parashat Yitro - the difference between "we" and "me"

Words of Torah
Parashat Yitro
Exodus 18:1-20:23

"Honor thy father and thy mother..."

~~Exodus 20:11

This week I'm going to touch on what I believe is the true beauty and nature of the Torah... that we can read the exact same text every year, keeping the same inflections and cadence (at least in the Hebrew, through the trope) and yet, every year the same text can have something new and beautiful to teach us. 

I can only imagine how many times I have read the above verse.  I vaguely remember the first time I was formally taught about honoring my parents. I was in religious school, probably about 6 or 7, when the teacher went over the 10 Commandments and focussed on this one in particular.  This commandment, unlike the others, was very tangible and real.  It was a commandment that seemed logical, even to such young children as we were, and one that seemed easy for us to "own."

Now fast forward decades later, and probably thousands of readings later, and I just noticed what seems like an extraneous "thy" or in modern English "your." 

"Honor your father and your mother." Would this commandment not be identical if it read, "Honor your father and mother"? Why the extra "your"?

After doing some research, apparently some scholars have suggested that this might actually be the representation of an additional family member to be honored...someone like maybe an older sibling.  But as those of you who have read my postings before, you know that I am not one for adopting convenient explanations that seem to bring in new subjects and topics when there is plenty to read and understand from the existing text itself.

For me, this extraneous "your" seems to be adding an extra influence on the separation between the natural combination of "father and mother."  Together they are one unit, one pair, one team of parents acting together to be treated as one.  BUT, separate the two, as in adding an extra "your," and now they are not one pair but two individual beings, each equally deserving of their child's honor, irregardless and irrelevant of the other.

Children of divorced parents may find this explanation easier to understand or accept than those of happily married parents.  However, even those children with parents who epitomize the united and loving parental team, can (and now I would say "should") appreciate the separation of the father and mother in this commandment.

No matter how loving of one another parents are, each parent needs to have a unique and original relationship with their child.  I am amazed that I never realized this nuance before, but be guaranteed that I will never be able to think of it differently again.

To honor one's father and mother means to develop a unique relationship with each one separately.  Just as Hillel redefined the "Golden Rule" by looking at the negative space in one's actions, so too must we look at our unique relationships with our parents and how what might work for one might not for the other, and vice versa.

Shabbat shalom... and happy honoring!

Parashat Beshalach - how long can you keep reality from becoming legend?

Words of Torah
Parashat Beshalach
Exodus 13:17-17:16

"Fill an omer of it to be kept for your generations; 

that they may see the bread with which I fed you in the wilderness."

~~Exodus 16:32

First of all, my apologies for my online absence.  There is a wonderful Yiddish phrase that states, "mensch tracht an Gt lacht" (people plan and Gd laughs).  Well, with all my detailed plans and good intentions, I guess I've been giving Gd a good laugh lately :)

But seriously though, in regards to this week's parashah, I want to focus this week on the above verse from Chapter 16.  We know from verse 16:20, and then again in 16:24, that any manna kept beyond it's intended time to be eaten developed maggots and became inedible.  Of course Gd could easily have extended the "shelf life" of this particular portion, just as Gd did for the Shabbat allocation, but since it had no intention of ever being consumed why extend it's life, and more importantly, why even bother to set it aside for "generations" since there is never any intent for it to ever be consumed?

These are the moments of the Torah when I am most challenged.  Yes, there are plenty of rabbinic explanations and great prognostications by our most scholarly sages as to the rationale, but my struggle is much more simple...if there's a lesson to be learned from this action why do it in such a completely irrational or even contradictory manner?

The Great Lubavitcher Rebbe explained it thus, "The challenge is to retain this recognition also after entering the land."  It is the transition from having your bread delivered to you daily by miracle to having to make your own that will quickly be forgotten and dismissed as myth and/or legend down the road.

For instance, when WWII came to an end, and General Eisenhower saw the reality of what evils occurred in Europe firsthand, he ordered every American soldier under his command, whether personally responsible for the camp liberations or not, to visit a camp and see with their own eyes what had really gone on.  Only this way could Eisenhower try to make sure that the realities of the Nazi's attempted genocide could live on in history as "real" and not become accusations of exaggerations or turned into false-history in generations to come.

OK, so keeping the idea of the manna makes sense (not that the Torah always has to make sense to me...I am very comfortable with this reality). However, actually taking the manna and "saving" it in a container for future generations???  This is where I struggle. But that's OK, I'm not supposed to "get" everything, and I have no expectations of ever understand everything there is to know, but nonetheless, it's the struggle that I enjoy, and it's the struggle that keeps me interested and wanting more.

Shabbat shalom!