Controlling vengeance...

Dipping the finger in the wine during the retelling of the 10 plagues in Egypt.

It was about 20 years ago when I was first confronted with what I perceived to be the “disconnect” during the Passover Seder.  For me the moment of greatest challenge was between celebrating the retelling of our People’s master story (from slavery in Egypt to freedom in our promised land) against the perceived “reveling” in the pain and suffering of those who caused our ancestors unspeakable acts of hatred and anti-Semitism.

In Traditional Haggadot it is still customary to read the passage "Pour out Thy wrath upon the nations that know Thee not, and upon the kingdoms that call not upon Thy name.  Pour out Thine indignation upon them, and let the fierceness of Thine anger overtake them.  Thou wilt pursue them in anger, and destroy them from under the heavens of Hashem." 

The paragraph itself is actually a compilation of three Biblical verses (Psalm 79:6-7, Psalm 69:25 and Lamentations 3:66) which were assembled and added to the Haggadah during the Middle Ages.  The history behind these Haggadic additions is that the above passage was a conscious response by the Jewish community to the mass Jewish executions during the Crusades, and to the persecution of Jews throughout the ages.  These verses acted as the community’s collective voice condemning those evil actions and calling upon G-d to stand up and hold our persecutors accountable.

Today, however, especially living in the United States where many of us are insulated from the hatred and anti-Semitic acts that plague many of our brethren in nations across the globe, the notion of vengeance and hatred toward our non-Jewish neighbors is profoundly rejected.

As Jewish parents wanting to raise our children with universal values of respect, forgiveness, integrity, and coexistence, we need to ask ourselves, how do we teach our children to be satisfied when justice is served while at the same time ensuring that this satisfaction does not become joy and happiness at the suffering of another?

Passover is the perfect time to introduce these ideas.  The Passover Seder is a time of reflection, storytelling, and discussion, where simple acts can teach lessons for a lifetime. 

For instance, when it comes time to traditionally dip your finger in the cup of wine during the reading of the 10 plagues, suggest to your guests (or if you are a guest, suggest to your host and friends) that at the conclusion of the last plague do NOT suck/lick the wine off of their wet finger; rather, suggest that they wipe it dry with a napkin. 

The explanation for this strange avoidance (why not suck the wine off of the finger???) is that the wine that one has just used to enact this part of the Seder, has been incorporated specifically to visually demonstrate the plagues destruction over the Egyptians.  The reason for holding back one’s instinctual urge to lick the wine off of the finger is exactly the urge which we often have in finding joy in our enemies’ demise.

When we suffer, we want our enemies to suffer.  When we no longer suffer, we should look beyond the vengeance, as instinctive as it may be, and look for the path of restraint and take the proverbial “higher” road.

However, in reality, there will still be multiple guests sitting around the table who forget your instructions and proceed to suck the remaining wine off of their finger.  At this point the stage has been set for a wonderful teachable moment.  Ask the group why it is so difficult to withhold our instinctive desires?  Is it possible that they have already forgotten the instructions of only a few minutes earlier?  Maybe; but the real opportunity is in the ensuing discussion.

I wish you all a happy, healthy, and zissen Pesach!

Mazal Tov!!!

2010 Middle School Science Fair Winners

So after all the skepticism, adult cynicism, and jaded pessimism of "product marketability" last night three elementary school students and six middle school students (pictured above) were rewarded with their well-deserved recognition and respective prizes.

But wait, there's more... just before the event formally began last night I was part of a meeting where at its conclusion I invited the attendees to come and visit the Invention Convention and Science Fair (most of the group were parents already planning to go on to the event but some were school leaders without participating children - so why not invite them to see these incredible creations).  One particular parent of two students in the Invention Convention openly joked about his children's inventions and how ridiculous they were.  Then another parent chimed in to not only agree but share the impracticality of his child's invention.

Again, I shared with these parents that this process is about our need to encourage creativity and innovation.  Even if the items aren't necessarily marketable and/or have serious logistical flaws the fact is that this process encourages children to identify a problem and consequently find a solution to the problem (i.e. become inventive).  

The beauty of the evening, beyond seeing the room full of hundreds of parents, relatives, guests, and friends asking the student inventors and scientists about their creations and hypotheses, was the fact that the initiating skeptic and loudest critic from the earlier meeting had to not only eat his words upon arriving at the event, but that he will now have to remember his cynicism every time he looks at his youngest child because she actually won one of the innovation prizes for creativity and inventiveness!

Yes, my friends, I could not have made up a better example of how often we potentially stifle our children's idealism and passion for naturally trying to solve the problem's and challenges around us.  Maybe we would be better served to let these young and "unjaded" minds take a serious stab at some of our global issues...who knows, maybe we would actually create a system to reduce global warming, possibly bring about world peace, and even maybe eliminate the threat of a nuclear armageddon all together???

Failure... a step toward success!

This posting also appears on the Davar Acher blogsite; a place for the Jim Joseph Foundation Fellows and other guest bloggers to share their ideas, thoughts, and messages toward advancing Jewish Education worldwide.

Today is our school’s 2^nd Annual Invention Convention & Science Fair.  Apparently, we only get to call it “annual” in its second year…so today we have reached this great milestone!

Seriously though, I have been astounded over the years (and this is not being overly melodramatic) at the incredibly inflated expectations of today’s parents toward their children’s potential.  Obviously, being the head of a Jewish day school, I only have geniuses who were reading in their cribs, doing calculus in preschool, and who are today solving the world’s greatest mysteries and challenges as pre-pubescent Einsteins.

The fact is that even with tongue-in-cheek humor I have witnessed great attempts by education policymakers to suck the creativity and innovation right out of our children while creating expectations for achieving a mythical “perfection” through high-stakes assessments.  I’m not exactly sure when “striving for perfection” became “being perfect” but I am very confident that this expectation is a strong reason innovation (read: risk-taking) has slowly disappeared from our children’s behaviors for fear of potential failure.

 Woody Allen said it best “If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.”  (And he knows something or two about failing).  As a head of school I am always trying to help put things into perspective, whether it’s for our students, staff and faculty, or parents and broader community, nothing does the job better than talking about a child learning to walk:

The build-up to those first few steps, the encouragement, support and even outright cheering when a toddler stands up is at times overwhelming.  Then a stride across the room comes and the audience erupts!  From there a few setbacks (thank G-d for well-padded diapers) but the encouragement continues; the support network stands firm (pun intended).  And eventually, after who knows how many attempts, failure turns into success!!!

So when does it change?  I dare say that in the world of Jewish education we must ensure that it never does.  In our school, the commitment to the Invention Convention over the last two years has been fraught with parental push-back.  “It’s too hard for my child to come up with something original” is the most common criticism.  “My child can’t come up with any ‘problems’ or ‘challenges’ to be solved” is another frequently used critique.  Nonetheless, when I have the opportunity to walk around our museum of innovative products and creations, as I did this morning, there is no doubt that we are well on our way to readdressing this critical commodity.

When I was a child, my mother (a former religious school teacher) used to remind me that the Torah had characters who were imperfect and “real” human beings.  They might have had Divine relationships which we only wish we could have today, but our ancestors were real, they made mistakes, and they certainly failed in a varied multitude of ways. 

Today, I ask you all out there, what are we doing to emulate this critical characteristic of our ancestors?  Where has all the imperfection gone?  And where is our support and recognition that failing is not a badge of dishonor, rather it is a symbol of one’s pursuit for success?